Good news.  I got my job finally.  Thank you everyone for all your energy.  It worked.  I havent got the animal attendant position I was really rooting for but I did get a full time job so I am not complaining.  Everything seems to be going good.  Things with my boyfriend are great, its nice to have a relationship where there is no fighting and drama.  I think in a year and a half him and I have had maybe one ugly fight where I was being really catty and petty.  But that was a looong time ago.  My smoking is down to well.. realistically 5 a day or so which is still good.  He has his new career and everything is calm.  Things are moving forward...  slowly.. but nonetheless they are changing.  In even only a year or so my life has become a bit more stable. Our future is becoming more clear.  It is nice to have some direction.. and not just some hazy dream floating just out of reach.  I feel more grounded. Things are good.